Gobber's Death
by Ritsul
Summary: In this very violent, yet sexy fanfiction about the infamous murder of Gobber the Belch, the quiet yet sensitive mentor of Hiccup.


Yeah... so... tons of apologies to those who actually read through this. My sister was telling me a parody of my HTTYD fanfic, forfeit, and I just had to write it down. Note: my sister wrote this, i just recorded it.

and I didn't even bother with spelling or even proofreading. I'm tired, so I don't really care at this point.

Yeah and she's totally kidding about taking requests... actually, I'm being corrected right now. she will take requests. (of fanfiction parodies and such)

um... prepare yourself...

* * *

Okay, so, you're writing everything im saying?

Well, okay.

So, Atli and, um, Hiccup were riding on their dragon to find the the the weather dragon. There's no astrid because they pushed astrid off the night before. Anyway, um, where was I? Okay, so, it had been the night, and now its the morning. And so, they're trying to find the dragon, the weather dragon. So, hiccup's in front and atlis in back, and atli the tree taps hiccup on the shoulder and asks, "hey, hiccup, can I ask you a question?"

And Hiccup was like, "what, atli?"

and atli was like, "okay, hiccup. Ive got to ask you a serious question, and youve got to be serious with this answer."

And hiccup answers, "I'm a little tired, atli, but since you have my trust, I'll answer you."

and then atli the tree gets a little closer to hiccup, and atli ruffled the branches with all the leavy sounds. He leaned in closer because he doesn't want anyone to hear, even though theyre in the middle of the ocean. Atli then looks down hiccups shirt to look at the non-exsistant boobs, and he shivers. He puckers his lips near hicucps ear lobe and sucks in as much carbon dioxide as he can, because, you know, he's a tree.

So, as quiet as he can, with some sexiness in his voice because he wants it to sound sexy. He looks at the sunrise and looks back at hiccup and looks at the sunrise and looks back at hiccup. And looks at the sunrise relfecting on hiccups eyes. And then he unfocuses and looks at ficcups whole face. And and then he looks at the sunrise reflecting off hiccups armour. And and and right now, hes been hold his breath for like two minutes cause cause um, he was looking at the sunrise and hicup. And he finally whispers, "Have you ever heard of morning wood?"

hiccup looks back with confusion. He asked, "what?"

Atli then looked down at his trunk with embarassment. And so, atli looks up with some tears in his non-exsistant eyes, because, you know, he's a tree. Except he has apparent lips to pucker. And then he looks at hiccup, and asks, "have you ever heard of pizza hut? They have a special where you buy one large sausage and get one free." (um um um um um um umumumu um um some more ums okay, um)

okay, so Hiccup looks back at the direction they're going, and feels a sudden heat coming down his neck. And looked back and realized that atli was breathing down it with his apparent exsistant mouth, and repeating "let me be your scratching post, hiccup."

Hiccup screamed, "what? Are you nuts? I'm not homosexual! Have you seen all those fanfictions between astrid and I?"

so, so, atli leans in for a kiss, but instead slaps hiccup with one of his long brances. And since hes a tree and all the force he had, it left a pretty big mark on hicups face. So, hiccup fell off the the the dragon, what ever dragon theyre on... maybe toothless. Um, and as atli rode the enxt few miles, everything went black. And as he woke up, he realized it was just a dreamhuesalation, which is a dream and a hallucination. What really happened was that hiccup was so disgusted with what atli wanted to do with him because an hour earlier atli created a long list of what he would do to hiccup if they went to the nest together. So, what really happened, was that, in disgust, hiccup jumped. He would rather sleep with the fishes than sleep with atli, and that my sister is a true pun.

So, atli just ignores the weather monster, and so he sets sail in the air on a dragon for a new destination: the dragons nesting grounds. He was actually quite excited for the unknown of what was there. Because no one has been there except for astrid and her whole beastiality fetish. And that my friend, is how Meatlug was born.

Um, so, so, atli arrives on the island with whatever dragon he had. Slaps his behind to send it home because he didn't want it to witness anyhthing. Even though he didnt know what it would witness. So, as he wanders the island, every time a big great dragon that he felt was threatening to him, he would sand still and act natural. And they ignored him because, you know, hes a tree.

So, at the tallest point in the island, he saw the most beautiful dragon he's ever seen. It's cheeks were round and plump... I mean the cheeks on his face, you dirty people! And its eyes gleamed as though there were a thousand sunrises in them. It made atli shudder. He had never known there could be eyes more sunrise-ey than hiccups.

'This is the one.' Atli thought. 'This is the one that will change history.'

then the camera pans to the left a little bit to show the sunrise as atli made sweet tree-dragon love to the dragon. And we're not going to show you it becaues we're not that kind of people. (unless, if this gets poplular, I will take requests.)

well, okay. So about two years later, a deformed mutant tree-dragon was born, because you know, it takes a couple years for a tree to grow into a... tree. So, he spent about one more year raising the dragon and training it. And he was quite surpised that the tree-dragon was afraid of all the other dragons. But I mean, what do you expect, his father was a tree and his mother died... how'd she die?... his mother died because when she realized that she was a he, she-he didn't realize that when the mutant baby popped out, it took her-his innards out with it, just like a bumblebee.

The dragon mutant baby was kind of sad a little bit, but you know, it was half tree and trees aren't capable of having feelings, unless youre atli.

So, atli flew home on his mutant tree-dragon, which was a tree trunk with wings and maybe some feet.

When he got home, he saw hiccups dad. The dad confronted him, and was like "wheres hiccup. It's been like three years." and so hiccups dad said, "you're such a fool. Ill make you into a coat hanger."

it just made atli so angry. For two generations, the Haddocks have been um... treating atlie like he was sonme kind of waste material thats too organic for the meat eaters, but what dod you expect? Atli's a tree. Everyone picks on the poor little tree-boy at school. So, atli stomped home on his big tree roots. He went inside, no one was there because all his family members were made into toilet paper.

So he's home., you cant go home when you're home. He gets out a bowl of of woodchips and milk, I guess you could consider that cereal for a tree, but you could also consider it cannibleism. All this stuff happeneing to him just made him so angry. Since hiccup denied his lov,e the anger has just been building inside of him.

So he stands up and knocks over the table and spills his now wasted bowl of woodchips. He storms to the first house he seeds. And storms in. the first person he seeds is gobber, making himself a bowl of woodchips, cause gobbers just like that. He slams the bowl out of his hand, and gobber began to cry. um. (laughing) youre not typing a bunch of hehehe's, are you?

He rips off gobbers lushous blonde moustache. And stuffs it down his throat. And that is the first murder case in Nancy Grace's murder files.


End file.
